Cat

Well that lasted a bit longer than expected. The free RSS viewers are all just, nonfunctional? And at this point it's like. Um. I'll just... Link the actual Dreamwidth now instead of doing all this embed shit. LMAO ANYWAYS

Another day, another blog. My site has had a big update to its general appearance and layout! Old version is privately archived on a flashdrive. And probably publicly archived on the wayback machine, I know the sites had a few snapshots on there from myself and others.

Food
So, I'm getting back into the business of cooking better food more often. The other day I made fish cakes. I boiled potatos as I baked fish then mashed them together and put in green onions, ginger, all sorts of stuff, then fried it. Definitely need more ginger next time so I can really taste it, and I should double the recipe so I can freeze plenty for later.


Speaking of which, I’m thinking about getting a metal bento box to hold my work lunches. I… Admit my faults, and one fault is that I usually buy my snacks at work instead of packing them. I need to block out time for packing! And when I do pack, I don't wanna put that shit in any plastic like I do now, god damn! We make fun of boomers for the lead poisoning stare, just wait til gen beta is calling us plasticbrains.


Relationships
As you can see I'm going back to the subheading format I had in the lost weekly blogs. The relationship subheading was always the most problematic and the one  that needed purged. I will be very careful with using it for now on. I will be as vague as possible while I blog about the life stuff.

TL;DR The polyam stuff is... Polyamoring... Never had I expected that someone would approach and express interest in me. I thought I would have to be the one to initiate and pursue everything! It sure makes things feel weird, because I was/am the reluctant partner, but having people express interest in me is like oh! Oh I see. And how I feel is exactly how my partner feels. Polyamory truly is a "Holy shit, two cakes!" thing, isnt it?

I had a moment the other day. I went to my partner and a friend and was like "Guys, I had an epiphany! It just clicked in my head! I don't have to feel insecure or insignificant compared to anyone my partner sees! Even if the other person is 'better' than me in some way, I am still the best me that exists! I have so much to offer that is unique to myself such as my personality, humor, body, hobbies, worldview, politics, actions, etc! And, fuck it, I'm good enough for myself! I love you but I don't depend on you to define my worth!"

And to that they very supportively and sweetly told me that they're happy I discovered the concept of confidence.

Gender
Speaking of the polyam stuff, man, gender dysphoria sure is an extreme force lately. The usual you could expect. I'm thinking about getting a trans therapist to see weekly because man... The gender stuff is kinda bogging down my current therapy? I can't process and work through my past trauma when my present dysphoria is it's own new trauma each day. Guh. Anyways, gotta send another email to my future-surgeon to further hash out payment stuff ahead of time.

Also, I have been promoted to Admin in a FTM online forum. It's nice. The forum is full of kids so my job is entirely just cleaning out inappropriate stuff and banning bots n trolls. I don't do much beyond that. But it's nice. They deserve a safe environment to be in, even if I myself don't engage much because I'm an old fuck that has no idea what they're all on about.

C'est la vie!

August 01, 2024
My birthday was nice. I self-sabotaged but then made plans last minute. We also had some set-backs, ended up leaving for the mall an hour later than intended because a friend needed help with something, and that was bad because we were set to visit BF's grandma after the mall day and we'd already given her a time estimate which meant that was an hour less of birthday time, and then we got into perhaps 30 minutes of roadwork, and I have car-based anxiety mind you, so, it was a rough start and we postponed grandma time by an hour to compensate.

But then BF and I finally arrived at the mall and just walked around a bit. Well, first, we got sushi. I just got a california roll. One roll is the perfect size meal for me. I'm never stuffed, but I am full. I suppose the portions are perfect for keeping up the "eat until you're 80% full" idea.

I drank water while eating but afterwards we went to a coffee shop and got boba. We got iced matcha with blueberry bubbles to share. Then we explored the mall. We kinda just browsed around a few stores, but then stopped in Lush for a good while.

I'd seen that you get discounts if you bring in old plastic Lush containers to recycle, and I certainly had plenty of those, so I brought in all the ones I'd set aside for the occasion. I wasn't set on buying anything, but certainly on turning those in to be recycled. I browsed around a bit, sniffed plenty of things, then eventually found a section full of "knot wraps."

They were variously-sized square cloths meant to be used for... Anything you can think of. They're inspired by furoshiki, which are Japanese cloths used to wrap things to carry or for gifting. I browsed around a bit and found one that fit my aesthetic sensibilities and also was quite interesting. This one that I liked was a collab with Atelier Element Present, a Japanese art studio for artists and designers with Down Syndrome. I thought that was cool.



I hope it is not weird to say but I love an article that has a fun fact and story. I love having things to make a conversation out of. I feel like nowadays our items are all without souls so it's valuable to me for something to have slightly more intent and story behind them than simply "It is profitable to make this generic item of this solid generic color."

I deliberated a lot on getting it but then realized if I didn't like it... It's a limited edition Lush item that will never go bad. I can absolutely regift or resell this thang. Which re-assures me against buyer's regret. But, I am happy with it still some days later. It is pretty and it will be very useful to carry things and also, it's the perfect size to be a fursuit bandana as well. Also it was basically nothing after the recycling discount and stuff. Very agreeable to me.

After that we went to Barnes and Nobel and browsed the books. It's so aesthetically satisfying, that store. Everything's overpriced but still, isn't it all pretty though. Especially all the stationery and candles and mini-home decor. It's like I'm making a mental Pinterest board when I'm there.

But yeah I went in with the goal to buy Authority and I did just that. I saw the 10th anniversary covers for the rest of the Southern Reach Trilogy but I got the classic cover because I prefer it and it will match my copy of Annihilation. I cracked into it already, even though I typically don't read multiple books at once. I'm already in the middle of Jurassic Park but I couldn't help it.



And thus that was my day :) Yesterday for part two of my birthday, and as part of another friend's birthday hang-out, we watched Godzilla Minus One. I had just seen it, but I will ALWAYS rewatch Godzilla to see my friends' reactions to peak fiction. Another friend who couldn't make it told me that he'd like to marathon some older Godzilla flicks with me since he couldn't make it to this movie night, and now I am excited for that as well.