Blogging Hard or Hardly Blogging

[arnanak]

Well that lasted a bit longer than expected. The free RSS viewers are all just, nonfunctional? And at this point it's like. Um. I'll just... Link the actual Dreamwidth now instead of doing all this embed shit. LMAO ANYWAYS

Another day, another blog. My site has had a big update to its general appearance and layout! Old version is privately archived on a flashdrive. And probably publicly archived on the wayback machine, I know the sites had a few snapshots on there from myself and others.

Food
So, I'm getting back into the business of cooking better food more often. The other day I made fish cakes. I boiled potatos as I baked fish then mashed them together and put in green onions, ginger, all sorts of stuff, then fried it. Definitely need more ginger next time so I can really taste it, and I should double the recipe so I can freeze plenty for later.


Speaking of which, I’m thinking about getting a metal bento box to hold my work lunches. I… Admit my faults, and one fault is that I usually buy my snacks at work instead of packing them. I need to block out time for packing! And when I do pack, I don't wanna put that shit in any plastic like I do now, god damn! We make fun of boomers for the lead poisoning stare, just wait til gen beta is calling us plasticbrains.


Relationships
As you can see I'm going back to the subheading format I had in the lost weekly blogs. The relationship subheading was always the most problematic and the one  that needed purged. I will be very careful with using it for now on. I will be as vague as possible while I blog about the life stuff.

TL;DR The polyam stuff is... Polyamoring... Never had I expected that someone would approach and express interest in me. I thought I would have to be the one to initiate and pursue everything! It sure makes things feel weird, because I was/am the reluctant partner, but having people express interest in me is like oh! Oh I see. And how I feel is exactly how my partner feels. Polyamory truly is a "Holy shit, two cakes!" thing, isnt it?

I had a moment the other day. I went to my partner and a friend and was like "Guys, I had an epiphany! It just clicked in my head! I don't have to feel insecure or insignificant compared to anyone my partner sees! Even if the other person is 'better' than me in some way, I am still the best me that exists! I have so much to offer that is unique to myself such as my personality, humor, body, hobbies, worldview, politics, actions, etc! And, fuck it, I'm good enough for myself! I love you but I don't depend on you to define my worth!"

And to that they very supportively and sweetly told me that they're happy I discovered the concept of confidence.

Gender
Speaking of the polyam stuff, man, gender dysphoria sure is an extreme force lately. The usual you could expect. I'm thinking about getting a trans therapist to see weekly because man... The gender stuff is kinda bogging down my current therapy? I can't process and work through my past trauma when my present dysphoria is it's own new trauma each day. Guh. Anyways, gotta send another email to my future-surgeon to further hash out payment stuff ahead of time.

Also, I have been promoted to Admin in a FTM online forum. It's nice. The forum is full of kids so my job is entirely just cleaning out inappropriate stuff and banning bots n trolls. I don't do much beyond that. But it's nice. They deserve a safe environment to be in, even if I myself don't engage much because I'm an old fuck that has no idea what they're all on about.

C'est la vie!